Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
