What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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