some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
