how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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