i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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