erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
