Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
