you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
