I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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