You work out of a Hotel?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
