he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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