So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
