I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
