Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
