it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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