every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
