Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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