My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
