I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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