A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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