I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
