I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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