So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
