Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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