Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
