I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
