it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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