I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
