why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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