He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
