Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
