Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
