How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
