that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
