god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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