Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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