i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
