Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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