I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
