Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
