Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
