Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
