Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
