His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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