I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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