I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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