The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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