And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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