bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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