3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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