We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
