i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
