dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
