What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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