3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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